K/S Press Interview with Jesmihr

Interviews by Fans
Title:	K/S Press Interview with Jesmihr
Interviewer:	Lyrastar
Interviewee:	Jesmihr
Date(s):	October 2005
Medium:	print, email subscription
Fandom(s):	slash, fandom, Star Trek
External Links:
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Jesmihr was interviewed by Lyrastar in The K/S Press #109.

See List of Star Trek Fan Interviews.

Some Excerpts

I never would have known about K/S if it weren’t for the internet, and I love its freedom and its easy accessibility. But the stories I’ve submitted to print zines have been made far, far better by the TLC of the zine editors. There are most definitely advantages to both venues for writers and for readers – and I don’t intend to turn my back on either of them.

K/S is love between heroes, and I think that’s a large part of its appeal to me. In Kirk and Spock I see hope: hope that humanity will still be in existence centuries from now; hope that people can forge out of their differences an eternal love; hope that, because we’re able to conceptualize heroism, we also can be heroes even if we’re not as golden as Kirk or as smart as Spock. Writing K/S has transformed me as a person. It’s given me confidence in my ability to write. It’s given me the deep satisfaction of doing a thing for the sheer joy of it. It’s given me a terrific way to cope with boring committee meetings. It’s given me access to the thoughts and fantasies of countless brilliant and fascinating women. It’s the best weird obsession I’ve ever had.

I seem to recall that I was searching for Kirk-Spock friendship stories on the internet. And of course, everyone knows you can’t do that for long without pulling up reams of what they apparently call “slash.” “Ick,” I thought. “That sounds pretty violent. Who would want to read about Kirk and Spock slashing each other?” And I went off to find more Gloria Fry. But one day the inevitable happened: I blundered upon a K/S story. I read just a little of it and then gave a little gasp and hit the “back” button on my computer. “No way,” I said to myself. “They’re not actually doing it – they can’t be.” The thing is, it wasn’t even a very good story, but I couldn’t get it out of my head. So I read another one, just to prove that I was right, and they couldn’t possibly be doing it. Well, in the second story, it turns out they were doing it, too, but much better than they were in the first one. I didn’t hit the “back” button this time: I read it all, in between breathing quite hard and ... well, anyway. “Goodness,” I said to myself, once I could manage it. “I guess they really are doing it – like rabbits, apparently. And, now that I think of it, it might explain quite a lot.” And I went about finding a third story.... OK, I admit it publicly: I was stupid. Of course they’re doing it—why wouldn’t they be doing it? They’re willing to risk their lives for each other, for god’s sake, but they draw the line at kissing each other? I don’t think so.

I do outline, at least mentally, and I nearly always know how a story is going to go before I write it. (I admire people who let the characters drive the plot. I’m too much of a coward or a control freak to attempt it.) As far as what I start with, it varies. It might be an idea someone else has had—a challenge or a cliché— that I believe I can address in an entirely unexpected way. It might be a fragment of conversation I’ve heard between two people (I’m an inveterate eavesdropper) that generates a whole long dialogue between Kirk and Spock, which in turn becomes a story. Much of the planning of a story—my favorite part of writing—is a sort of free association of ideas. As an example, someone who shall remain nameless once issued me a challenge to write a K/S story involving Speedos. I immediately thought, “Oh, c’mon, Lyra. It’s two hundred years from now. They wouldn’t even be making Speedos anymore. Where the heck would Kirk or Spock even find them?” Which of course led me to think that they would find them where anyone would find clothing that isn’t being made anymore: in a vintage clothing store. And of course, it being K/S, it would be a vintage clothing store on an alien planet, so it wouldn’t be run by some frumpy human woman named Martha. No, it would have to be run by, yes, of course, an orange dragon. And it would probably be an orange dragon who knew how to sew, because after all, he’d need to make repairs, wouldn’t he? And.... And so it goes. I love to take a premise, pursue it until it becomes just bizarre enough to suit me, and then give it a final half-turn of the dial to distort it a wee bit more.

The dynamics between people who’ve been in a long- term relationship change constantly, so I can’t pick a story and say, “That is the perfect snapshot of Kirk and Spock.” But in terms of the perfect story for me as a reader ... I would have to say that Greywolf’s “And in the Darkness Bind You” comes pretty darned close. It blows me away every time I read it.

My definition is that [slash] must be clear that at least one of them wants to move the relationship to a sexual level. I think of Gloria Fry’s stories as “K/S training wheels.” The motional intensity definitely is there, but any sexual activity between Kirk and Spock always is a pretense and done only under duress. Fry did make a reference at the very end of one of her stories about Kirk wanting all of the barriers between him and Spock to be gone someday ... but I’d need to read more than that before I’d call it K/S. I should note that by this definition, my story “The Game” is not K/S. But in my own mind it’s so crystal- clear that they want each other sexually, that I can’t read the story any other way. Do I still look for new K & S type stories? No. Now that I’m hooked on K/S, K & S leaves me with an incomplete, dissatisfied feeling. And I think on some level it always did, or I wouldn’t have become addicted to K/S in the first place.

The movies just don’t do it for me like the series does: I’ve watched them all, but not over and over again like I have many of the original episodes. Much of this may have to do with my own shallowness: I prefer my heroes to be young and lithe. But I have deeper problems with the movies also. I don’t like the whole idea of Gol, because I don’t believe that Spock would leave Kirk’s side like that. And I think the katra thing is a katra- astrophe. “You know, I’ve been feeling a mite poorly since last Tuesday, and I was wondering if you’d mind hanging on to my katra for me just in case the antibiotics don’t take effect. You will? Oh, that’s great. Let me fish it out of my back pocket. I keep it right next to my gum and my condoms.” Bah! It’s too pat, I don’t buy it. I don’t think it’s part of the human or the Vulcan condition to be absolutely sure we have souls, much less to be able to pop them in and out like a new filter in a coffeemaker. In my opinion, the movies depend on this lame premise way too much. Oh, and I don’t like the idea of regenerated Spock, either. I like the original Spock, the one who has original memories of himself with Kirk.

[As I understand it, the people who know you in real life are unaware of your K/S involvement. Has that been awkward or difficult?]: J: Awkward and difficult, yes. Those are definitely two words I’d use to describe it. Lonely and frustrating, also. And ... in a weird kind of way, liberating and fulfilling. I’m not sure I can really explain that last, but it has something to do with my need to keep a small part of me for myself alone. My K/S writing is gloriously selfish, a kind of mental and spiritual spa that I can turn to whenever I have the need. I’m reluctant to offer that up to scrutiny or possible criticism, but I get a huge amount of personal satisfaction from knowing it’s inside of me whenever I need it.... My plan was to keep it entirely impersonal: throw that first story into cyberspace as hard as I could—just as if it were a grenade—and run like hell. But of course it didn’t work out that way: I quickly found out that there are too many wonderful, fascinating, brilliant and altogether irresistible people in the K/S world. Yes, I’ve “met” a few that I definitely consider good friends, and I only wish I had time to correspond with more. Will I ever meet any of them face to face? Oh, I hope so!

Reactions

A fan writes a very long letter defending the ST movies as a source of angst and material for fan works:

First of all, let me say I really enjoyed what you had to say in your interview about your experiences as a K/S author. I always find it interesting how those among us discovered this wonderful fandom and why some such as you choose to do more than just order zines and read stories (and of course subscribe to The K/S Press). But there was one thing you mentioned that I wanted to address and it concerns your comments regarding the movies. Believe it or not, you are not the first K/Sr that tends to dismiss them and just concentrate on the events of the original series for when it comes to writing stories. I have to say personally, I think this is rather sad to hear... I guess what I am trying to say not only to you, but also to others who share your view, is that by dismissing the movies, you may be cheating yourself out of a treasure trove of material for potential stories. As I said before, the Kirk and Spock in the movies are two very, very different men than what we saw in TOS and that fact alone can make for a great story. My second favorite K/S story of all time is a prime example of this. Written by Deanna Gray, it is titled "Sadness, Loss and Love" and takes place during the time of STV: The Final Frontier. I honestly believe that if that movie had never been made and Deanna had no choice but to place that story in the TOS timeline, it would not have turned out the way it did. That's because the older Spock in her story handles the situation he finds himself in a much different way than the younger Spock would. And that difference is what makes this story work. Now I'm not saying as an author, you should be forced to base all your stories only on the events of the series and movies, and not stray from canon. That would be too limiting on the imagination, which is the last thing I want to see happen. I know Jenna shares this view and the result has been her incredibly wondrous "Sharing the Sunlight" series. But to turn your back on those six movies is to turn your back on something just as wondrous. Please don't deprive yourself of that.