'Twas the Night Before Christmas (or Account of a Visit to the M_A Archive)

Fanwork
Title:	'Twas the Night Before Christmas (or Account of a Visit to the M_A Archive)
Creator:	Lilith Sedai
Date(s):	28 December 1999 (archiving date)
Medium:	slash fanpoem; 3K
Fandom:	Star Wars TPM
External Links:	'Twas the Night Before Christmas (or Account of a Visit to the M_A Archive) (Master & Apprentice) 'Twas the Night Before Christmas (or Account of a Visit to the M_A Archive), Archived version (The Writings of Lilith Sedai)
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'Twas the Night Before Christmas (or Account of a Visit to the M_A Archive) is a Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan poem by Lilith Sedai.

Summary: The author visits the M_A archive on the night before Christmas, and visions of sugarplums dance in her head.

The poem gives an account of the rise of the fandom and insight into popular tropes.

Recs and Reviews

The Night Before Xmas by Lilith Sedai is a poem, so warnings for that. It has grossness, so warnings for that. It is an account of a slash writer's visit to the MA archive in a dream, so warnings for that, too.

Poem

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through M_A

Not a slasher was stirring, they had naught to say;

The lonely were watching their e-mail with care,

In hopes that hot monkey sex soon would drop there;

But Obi was nestled up snug in his bed,

While visions of chocolate sauce danced in his head;

And Qui-Gon was no better, the big stupid sap

Had just settled down; was ignoring his lap.

When out on the 'net there arose such a clatter

I launched up Netscape to see what was the matter.

Away to the archive I flew like a flash,

Passed over the warnings and a stray Jedi sash!

A full moon, but no breasts, in a Velvet G. show

Reassured me most greatly on monitor's glow,

Then, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a tube full of lube and a curved luscious rear,

With a wise Jedi Master thrusting lively and quick,

I knew him the moment he grabbed Obi's dick.

More often than rabbits these Jedi they came,

I whistled and shouted and called them by name;

Now Qui-Gon, thrust harder! Now spank him and kiss him!

Now Obi, moan louder! 'Cause later you'll miss him!

On top of the table! Against the far wall!

Now fuck away! Fuck away! Fuck away all!

May 19 in the fandom arose a wild cry

That the hot Jedi Master must mount the young guy,

So straight to their keyboards the slashers they flew,

With a bunch of sex toys and some lubricant too.

And now, in a twinkling, I saw on the screen

That every male Jedi had turned to a queen,

And I licked at my lips and went looking around

At the marvelous hot Jedi sex I had found.

Yenta!Yoda* was laughing, the crazy old coot,

At the padawan's penis beneath Qui-Gon's boot;

And a bundle of toys for use on the butt-crack

Were all carried on missions inside a backpack.

Obi's eyes-- how they twinkled! His chin-dimple, how merry!

His ass-cheeks looked like roses when Qui popped his cherry.

And Qui's mighty penis-how big it did grow!

If he waved it at me, I'd turn white as the snow!

The root of Qui's cock Obi held 'tween his teeth

And the cum, it encircled his mouth like a wreath;

He had an imp's face and a wicked flat belly

That looked really good when smeared with K-Y jelly.

He was sexy but sweet, a right toothsome young elf,

And I drooled when I saw him, in spite of myself;

A flick of his tongue and a twist of his head

Soon got Qui-Gon off and they writhed in their bed.

He spoke not a word, but went back to his work,

And did lots more fucking; grabbed his cock with a jerk,

Then sticking his finger inside of his ass,

He gave me a leer: "Thanks for watching us, lass!"

He waved me away, dove on Qui like a missile,

And I blinked; my alarm clock gave quite a loud whistle.

But I heard him exclaim, ere I faded from sleep,

"HAPPY SLASHING TO ALL, AND FOR THIS... THANKS A HEAP!"