Love's a Battlefield (And the Navy Did Not Train Steve for This Shit)

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Fanfiction
Title: Love's a Battlefield (And the Navy Did Not Train Steve for This Shit)
Author(s): cyerus
Date(s): 30 July 2013
Length: 12,668 words
Genre: slash fanfiction
Fandom: Hawaii Five-0
External Links: Love's a Battlefield (And the Navy Did Not Train Steve for This Shit) (AO3)
podfic cover art by Cybel

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Love's a Battlefield (And the Navy Did Not Train Steve for This Shit) is a Steve/Danny story by cyerus.

Summary: The Kalakaua-Kelly clan are determined to matchmake Steve. Out of desperation, Steve makes up a boyfriend named Danny. It doesn't quite go according to plan.

librarychick_94 podficced the story in 2015[1] and it was translated into Polish by McDanno_Rulz in 2016.[2]

Recs and Reviews

Explicit, 12,000+ words. There's a level of sheer ridiculousness to the entire affair that I should find off-putting, but cy is the same sneaky little shit who got me teary-eyed over a fic in which John Watson used to be a bomb-sniffing dog, so I don't really know what I was expecting. Steve makes up a fake boyfriend named Danny so his friends stop with the matchmaking. Then Steve meets Danny.
Steve nearly whines as his phone beeps with another incoming text, and he doesn't have to look at it to know it's along the lines of 'this isnt funny steve she will kill you with fire.' "Can we just go? I'll explain more on the way."
"No," Williams says slowly, "no, I get it. You made up a boyfriend to get out of some kind of family obligation, possibly because you're an idiot, more likely because you have the emotional maturity of a hyena that thinks snatching people off the street is a socially acceptable way to ask someone out. But now everything's coming back to bite you in the ass, and you need me to play Danny the loving partner so you can keep sitting on your throne of lies."
"That's...exactly it, yeah." Steve gazes down at Williams in surprise, and not a little paranoia. "How did you know that?"[3]

References

  1. librarychick_94. Love's a Battlefield (and the Navy Did Not Train Steve for This Shit) [Podfic], 25 August 2015. (Accessed 31 MAy 2016)
  2. McDanno_Rulz. Miłość to Pole Bitwy (a Marynarka Wojenna Nie Wyszkoliła Steve'a do Takiego Gówna), 11 February 2016. (Accessed 31 May 2016)
  3. taliahale. [REC]s: Hawaii Five-o, Steve/Danny, 28 October 2013. (Accessed 31 May 2016)