He Hit Me (And It Felt Like a Kiss): Exploring the Abusive M/K Relationship

From Fanlore
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Title: He Hit Me (And It Felt Like a Kiss): Exploring the Abusive M/K Relationship
Creator: MJ/MJR91
Date(s): May 4, 1998
Medium: online
Fandom: slash, X-Files
External Links: archived copy at X-Files University; WebCite
Click here for related articles on Fanlore.

He Hit Me (And It Felt Like a Kiss): Exploring the Abusive M/K Relationship was written by MJ/MJR91 as part of "X-Files University, School of Slashology/Gay Studies, College of Interdisciplinary Studies" where fans wrote articles and essays devoted to examining the fandom surrounding the TV show X-Files.

It is a companion piece to The Codependent Partner: An analysis of the Mulder/Krycek Relationship and Darkness and Light: The Psychoanalytic Dynamic of M/K Slash Fiction.


The title of this piece is the title of one of Phil Spector's lesser-known "Wall of Sound" girl-group pieces. The lyric contains the song's title, along with the singer's message that she had been bad, but her boyfriend helped her settle the problem with one good punch. He wouldn't have done it, after all, if he didn't love her.

Not surprisingly, the song was not one of Spector's big hits; in fact, he had trouble getting it airplay. It has been suggested that Spector was attempting to put his voice in his wife/lead vocalist Ronnie Spector's mouth in order to defend the abusiveness of his relationship with her. The song, disgusting as it is to most listeners of normal sensitivity, is nevertheless an excellent statement of how many abusers wish or believe their victim should feel - grateful that they are receiving this attention from their partner, who has learned how to express most personal emotions through this method. As 1960's musical trivia, it is undoubtedly known to Fox Mulder.

If there is an abusive relationship in the "X-Files" universe, it is the relationship between Fox Mulder and Alex Krycek. Even viewers who are unaware of the actual nature of the relationship between the two, which is evidently sexual from shortly after Krycek's introduction in "Sleepless," have remarked on the intensity of the violence between the men. This is especially surprising since in most contexts Fox Mulder appears not only to be a nonviolent man, but even relatively passive physically. In much slash fiction involving Mulder, authors express this passivity by highlighting Mulder's apparent attraction to the submissive role in S/M relationships (vide "Authority", "Complete Office Discipline", and several other well-known stories in the Fox Mulder slash canon). However, I believe this view of Mulder as submissive is specious given his behavior with Krycek. I am aware that the view I am advancing will not be popular, but I do it in hope of rectifying one of the most serious mental health issues that "X-Files" refuses to address. To my knowledge, only one slash author (torch, the "Lovers" series) has even suggested the issue in passing.

In conclusion, there can be little doubt that Fox Mulder and Alex Krycek have developed a dysfunctional sexual relationship characterized by interpersonal violence, especially on Mulder's part, which stems from Mulder's childhood exposure to dysfunctional family relationships. The appropriate therapy for this would normally include group therapy for both members of the relationship; Mulder would appear to be a strong candidate for a program geared towards violent partners.(Conlin and Smith, "Group Psychotherapy for Gay Men", in Gonsiorek, A Guide to Psychotherapy with Gay and Lesbian Clients.) In a larger metropolitan area he might be able to be placed in a gay men's domestic abuser group; however, the dynamics of abuse tend to be the same both in gay and straight couples, so that as long as he would be comfortable, a mixed men's group would have equal therapeutic efficacy. Krycek is a candidate both for group therapy and for participation in a twelve - step program such as Co-Dependents Anonymous. More information is needed about both families, but it is highly likely that Krycek is also a candidate for ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics, another twelve-step program) based on the relationship of adult codependency to childhood in an alcoholic family. It would also be advisable for Mulder to be screened for depression or for bipolar disorder. Any diagnosis from DSM-IV of sexual sadism or sexual masochism (the necessity for the actual acts rather than role playing) would be purely speculative and unwarranted at this time. The prognosis of success in such counseling hinges on the cooperation of the parties to the counseling, beginning with the recognition that a problem exists. Until Mulder faces the need for controlling his abusiveness towards his lover it is unlikely that therapy of any kind would be successful, including head-drilling with ketamine injection treatment.