'Twas the Night Before Christmas (or Account of a Visit to the M_A Archive)
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|Title:||'Twas the Night Before Christmas (or Account of a Visit to the M_A Archive)|
|Date(s):||28 December 1999 (archiving date)|
|Medium:||slash fanpoem; 3K|
|Fandom:||Star Wars TPM|
|External Links:||'Twas the Night Before Christmas (or Account of a Visit to the M_A Archive) (Master & Apprentice)|
'Twas the Night Before Christmas (or Account of a Visit to the M_A Archive), Archived version (The Writings of Lilith Sedai)
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The poem gives an account of the rise of the fandom and insight into popular tropes.
Recs and Reviews
The Night Before Xmas by Lilith Sedai is a poem, so warnings for that. It has grossness, so warnings for that. It is an account of a slash writer's visit to the MA archive in a dream, so warnings for that, too.
- 'Twas the night before Christmas and all through M_A
- Not a slasher was stirring, they had naught to say;
- The lonely were watching their e-mail with care,
- In hopes that hot monkey sex soon would drop there;
- But Obi was nestled up snug in his bed,
- While visions of chocolate sauce danced in his head;
- And Qui-Gon was no better, the big stupid sap
- Had just settled down; was ignoring his lap.
- When out on the 'net there arose such a clatter
- I launched up Netscape to see what was the matter.
- Away to the archive I flew like a flash,
- Passed over the warnings and a stray Jedi sash!
- A full moon, but no breasts, in a Velvet G. show
- Reassured me most greatly on monitor's glow,
- Then, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
- But a tube full of lube and a curved luscious rear,
- With a wise Jedi Master thrusting lively and quick,
- I knew him the moment he grabbed Obi's dick.
- More often than rabbits these Jedi they came,
- I whistled and shouted and called them by name;
- Now Qui-Gon, thrust harder! Now spank him and kiss him!
- Now Obi, moan louder! 'Cause later you'll miss him!
- On top of the table! Against the far wall!
- Now fuck away! Fuck away! Fuck away all!
- May 19 in the fandom arose a wild cry
- That the hot Jedi Master must mount the young guy,
- So straight to their keyboards the slashers they flew,
- With a bunch of sex toys and some lubricant too.
- And now, in a twinkling, I saw on the screen
- That every male Jedi had turned to a queen,
- And I licked at my lips and went looking around
- At the marvelous hot Jedi sex I had found.
- Yenta!Yoda* was laughing, the crazy old coot,
- At the padawan's penis beneath Qui-Gon's boot;
- And a bundle of toys for use on the butt-crack
- Were all carried on missions inside a backpack.
- Obi's eyes-- how they twinkled! His chin-dimple, how merry!
- His ass-cheeks looked like roses when Qui popped his cherry.
- And Qui's mighty penis-how big it did grow!
- If he waved it at me, I'd turn white as the snow!
- The root of Qui's cock Obi held 'tween his teeth
- And the cum, it encircled his mouth like a wreath;
- He had an imp's face and a wicked flat belly
- That looked really good when smeared with K-Y jelly.
- He was sexy but sweet, a right toothsome young elf,
- And I drooled when I saw him, in spite of myself;
- A flick of his tongue and a twist of his head
- Soon got Qui-Gon off and they writhed in their bed.
- He spoke not a word, but went back to his work,
- And did lots more fucking; grabbed his cock with a jerk,
- Then sticking his finger inside of his ass,
- He gave me a leer: "Thanks for watching us, lass!"
- He waved me away, dove on Qui like a missile,
- And I blinked; my alarm clock gave quite a loud whistle.
- But I heard him exclaim, ere I faded from sleep,
- "HAPPY SLASHING TO ALL, AND FOR THIS... THANKS A HEAP!"