Xenozine

Zine
Title:	Xenozine
Publisher:	"Ember Films, LTD," "A D.J. Driscoll Production"
Editor(s):	lead editor: D.J. Driscoll, associate editor: Robin M. White
Date(s):	1984-1986
Series?:
Medium:	print
Size:
Genre:
Fandom:	multimedia, though mostly Star Wars and Man from U.N.C.L.E.
Language:	English
External Links:
Click here for related articles on Fanlore.

Xenozine is a gen and implied slash multimedia anthology.

An ad in Datazine #34 asks: "Are you tired of reading mundane media zines? If you hunger for the weird, forbidden, and different then Xenozine is for you!"

An ad in Pop Stand Express #5, "If you're tired of reading mundane media zines... If you hunger for the weird and forbidden... if you're bored with ponderous, self-righteous B.S... THEN... DON'T DELAY! Obtain your copy now!"

Issue 1

Xenozine 1 was published in 1984 and contains 192 (unnumbered) pages. This zine is subtitled: "Episode One: A New Grope."

About half of the zine is Man from U.N.C.L.E., the other half Star Wars.

The art is by Kirby, Kowalski, De Ann Lloyd, Charlene Kirby, T. Brian Wagner, Else Josund, and Linda "Caitlin" Rutenberg.

cover of issue #1

• Mary Sue and the Bandit by Robin White ("This story was suggested by Maggie Nowakowska. We hope she likes the way it turned out."—This is a story starring four Hanatics who, on their way home from LA-CON, sort of find themselves in the Star Wars universe when they meet Han Solo who is a intergalactic long haul trucker. The story includes some CB radio jargon. The four fans are Pam, Sue, Carol, and Robin. This last fan is the author.) (reprinted in I Don't Care What You Smell #1) (Star Wars) (4)
• Assessment of Damages by D.J. Driscoll & Shadowhawk ("The authors would like to express their appreciation to Shakey's Pizza Parlor for their continued sustenance while they wrote this piece.") (Star Wars)
• Operation Baron-Find (This is not a fanwork but an invitation to write the sequel to the previous story "Assessment of Damages."—The winner would receive a free copy of the next issue for: "1) Best story that conforms to LUCASFILMS Guidelines and 2) Our favorite.") (31)
• The Slash of the Empire by T. Brian Wagner ("And now for something completely different Sorry, George."—This is a parody. In it, Senator Palpatine is Luke's mother. He enters into a sexual relationship with Anakin (both as men). Palpatine also has special powers that allow him to have a child (this is hand-waved away), and he can also appear as anyone such as Han, Obi-Wan, the droids. Yoda is also revealed to be Luke's grandmother.) (Star Wars)
• The Alabama Papers by Susan R. Mathews (Star Wars) (39)
• Cold Comfort, filk to the tune of "Anything You Can Do," by Maggie Nowakowska (From an ad: "honoring all you hurt/comforters out there.") (44)
• The Last Rebel of Zandru by D.J. Driscoll and Tessa Fowler (Star Wars) (48)
• Inter-Mission (Impossible) (The Dance of the Popcorn Fairy, illo) (49)
• Decades, poem about the 1960's by Robin M. White (50)
• A Tribute, poem about the 1970's by Robin M. White (51)
• And a Warning, poem about the 1978's by Robin M. White (52)
• The Dark Companions, a tongue-in-cheek "ad" for two assassins (53)
• Star Wars Word Search by Robin M. White (55)
• Star Wars Recipes: Obi-Wan Cannoli, Solo Han(d)s, Chewie Chocolate Chip Cookies (56)
• U.N.C.L.E. Recipes: Section Stew, hot dogs (60)
• The Slightly Out Of Hand Affair by Charlene Kirby (Man From U.N.C.L.E.) ("Our heroes wage a practical joke war with... THRUSH?" "Bring on the joy buzzers and whoopie cushions.") (61)
• I'll See You In My Dreams by Clotilda Willard (Man From U.N.C.L.E.) ("And now for something slightly different. Be advised that this is "implied slash". Parental discretion is therefore advised.") (also in U.N.C.L.E. "/" Collected) (71)
• The "Sad-Libs" Affair, a madlibs) (Man from U.N.C.L.E.) (72)
• The Sad Libs Affair: Our Version, story by D.J Driscoll and Shadowhawk (Man from U.N.C.L.E.) (78)
• The Turning Point Affair by Joy Ashenfelder (Man From U.N.C.L.E.)(hurt/comfort) (81)
• the Triangular Shaped Badge Affair by Sylvia Stevens (implied slash) (Man from U.N.C.L.E.) (89)
• The What-A-Way-To-Spend-A-Vacation Affair by Laurie Keeper (Man From U.N.C.L.E.) ("Illya battles the great outdoors... and gets got." Or "Okay, Illya, let's 'get' on with it.") (90)
• This is a Test, vignette, not credited (105)
• An Ounce of Prevention by Denetia Arellanes (also in U.N.C.L.E. "/" Collected) (Man From U.N.C.L.E.) (106)
• Alpha Beta Gamma by Barbara Tennison (Man From U.N.C.L.E./Star Trek) (111)
• The Fog Off The Coastline Affair by Susan R. Mathews (Man From U.N.C.L.E.) (Illya is a attacked by killer sea lions and rescued by [[Captain Harlock]]. "Killer sea-lions, floating coffee-pots, marijuana sandwiches. (Susan is doing well, and hopefully will be released soon.)") (114)
• The 'O Solo Mio' AFFAIR by Robin M. White & Carol Jones (Man From U.N.C.L.E./Star Wars) (Mr. Solo finds... himself?) (149)
• Contributor List (190)

• 

  from issue #1, Else Josund

• 

  from issue #1, from "The Slash of the Empire"

• 

  from issue #1, from "The Slash of the Empire"

• 

  from issue #1, from "The Slash of the Empire"

• 

  from issue #1, Else Josund

• 

  from issue #1, Pam Kowalski

• 

  from issue #1, not credited

• 

  from issue #1

• 

  from issue #1

• 

  from issue #1, not credited

• 

  from issue #1, not credited

• 

  from issue #1, not credited

Reactions and Reviews: Issue 1

XENOZINE is one of the latest enties into the world of zinedom and D.J. Driscoll's first attempt at publishing a zine.

XENOZINE is not one of your more serious minded zines. It is a generally unpretentious, overall clean cut zine, whose stories range from the insane (Mary Sue and the Bandit by Robin White) to the inane (The Sad Lib Affair or How to Create an UNCLE Affair by Filling in the Appropriate Blanks). There is a good feeling to this zine, it doesn't take itself seriously, nor does it wish to be by the readers. It wants you to have fun and it largely succeeds. There is something for everyone in its pages.

The stories hit about every facet of fannish writing (hurt/comfort, Mary Sue, slash). Most of the stories carry a light-hearted feeling about them, a feeling that urges one to have fun, not to dissect its paragraphs for hidden meanings and purposes. D.J. has succeeded in gathering many of UNCLE's publishing writers, something that had not been previously done.

Of course, this is not-to say the zine is without fault. Except for one nice line drawing of Captain Harlock, most of the art is better off ignored, what little of it there is.

Also, it is most difficult to find your way around the zine, as not only does it not have a table of contents, it doesn't have any pages numbered. The editor insists it's because the zine was set up like a movie and movies don't have page numbers. It will be interesting to see if the format is changed for the next issue.

Still, these are factors easily overlooked. After all, it's not every zine that's interrupted for the Emergency Broadcast Signal. If you're looking for a generally, overall pleasing zine, Xenozine would be a good choice. In this author's jaded opinion, it is not a zine that should be lightly glossed over and ignored simply because it's a first attempt. Do yourself a favor, get yourself a copy of XENOZENE and read yourself into a nice padded cell.

It was like having a story-teller in my mind. The little asides, the different length stories of varied tone, i.e.: Serious Straight to Comic-Very-Bent, kept me going to the end and wishing to enjoy more! Tres Bien!

I loved the first issue of Xenozine! I have too many favorites (stories, ED.) to mention; but those that are - WOW, and I thought my Humor was wicked. AND IT IS!!

Well, this was a fantastic zine. I've been a MUNCLE fan from the beginning, as well as a Hanatic, so this zine was just what the doctor ordered, I must say that normally I don't read slash stories, or even implied "/" because the few that I have read concentrated on the sex scenes to the exclusion of a plot. How refreshing it is to have "/" with class and a

real plotline. Believe me, I will be eagerly looking forward to XENOZINE II....I would rate this production in the top ten favorites, and the Dolby sound was magnificent. I was a bit surprised at the PG-13 rating, what with the censors so down on violence and sexual innuendos, I would have assumed at least an R. Best regards to your effects' people, they could

give ILM a run for their money.. .but who was your stunt coordinator? Take care, and may the Force be with you all. Alliance and Uncle alike!

Thanks for Xenozine 1. It came at a good time, I needed a zine to read! I look forward to the conclusion of Assessment of Damages - do you and Shadowhawk have an ending "to it? (Ha, ha, ha, ED.) Take care and thank-you very much! P.S. I would also like to know how Harlock got in there!?!

I bought it basically for the Uncle stories but found everything interesting. The recipes were different although I had some difficulty with the Section Stew - the sixth beer did it, I think. I had, however, used the Dinner for 6 Tired Agents [the hot dog one] before - only I called it Dinner for 3 Mundanes after a Trek Convention...

Decades touched me deeply as a "Child of the 60's Made me cry and laugh and think...

The Word Search is still driving me to make more Section stew...Slightly Out Of Hand Affair was funny. Illya DOES have a sense of humor! Would have loved to have been there when they got off the plane!...

I'll See You In My Dreams was a death story with a happy ending.(Huh? ED)...

Sad-Libs Affair has given me a lot of fun and a lot of weird looks from the mundanes I trick into playing it!..

Triangular was a surprise. Really, Mr. Waverly!...

What-A-Way Affair, poor Illya, he does have a knack of "getting" into trouble without even trying. Enjoyed Napoleon trying to help Illya with his memories, and his understanding the "amnesia" when Illya was reluctantly going to explain everything. And the exchange about the sleeping bag. Very good friends...

An Ounce was, to me, the strongest story in the zine, giving some in sight into Illya's feelings about the partnership and his commitment to Solo. He wouldn't have taken the cyanide out of guilt but out of loneliness and emptiness. Napoleon's insight into his friend's thinking was also the result of love and possibly the knowledge that he would do the same thing if their positions were reversed. Even though Illya told Kowalski that 'the closeness wasn't like THAT', I still felt there might have been an implied "/" anyway or very close to it...

Turning Point was a short H/C but gave some background to the beginning of the partnership, at least from Solo's point of view... really and finally explained Illya's knack for attracting the ladies: It was all those Deltan pheromones did it!...

Fog had some great Illya scenes, but I didn't understand who all the characters were supposed to be. It was still fun, though...

O Solo Mio showed how really clever Han can be, but I really expected to hear he was related to Napoleon somewhere along the way. The only part I found uncomfortable was Illya's reaction to Simon/Han and Napoleon's friendship. Can't see him getting upset about it when he was the one who found Simon in the first place. Still enjoyed it...

It took me this long to read Xenozine because I was assigned to investigate THRUSH activities in Connecticut. I really enjoyed Xenozine, especially the UNCLE stories and UNCLE recipes! I don't like stories that have Illya and Napoleon in love with each other, but The Triangular Shaped Badge Affair was funny, though. It was great the way you made Xenozine like movies and TV with an intermission and the Emergency Broadcast System Test.....

I did receive Xenozine, postmarked April 12th, on the 19th. Real efficient these Post Waffles, yeah? Be that as it may (and thank-you for continuing to tilt at the Post Windmill for my sake), I did mightily enjoy the zine. Mary Sue and the Bandit nicely delineates the difference between fantasy and reality. I know some people I'd love to have this happen to. (None,

I hasten to add, from Seattle!!!...

Asessment of Damages is "Morning After ROTJ" story #223 and counting..But it does have some redeeming features for all that: a) the characterizations, if abrupt, are not improbable from the screen identities; b) Han already knows who Luke's and Leia's father is; and c) there is no wedding. Also, the situation is ongoing, rather than wrapped up with a few easy platitudes. Not bad of its kind, in sum.

Slash of the Empire, now, is one of those pieces the ordinary prudent zine would hesitate to print for any number of reasons. Ve-e-ry In-ter-es-ting, I say. It adds a lot of spice, something like turmeric rather than cinnamon, perhaps...

The filksongs with various accompan iments are worth a pina colada. In fact they are worth the typist-for- Last-Rebel-of-Zandru's pina colada. Am I missing something about that exercise from the "Z" Channel, or is it just mixed up? This is not a space hiccup, this is a tracheotomy

...Sad Libs is one of those exercises which are most interesting when they are completed with malice aforethought, rather than at random. The example (no doubt the original) provided, demonstrates this tendency...

..I liked the Rutenberg illos, both for the Sad Libs and for Alpha. Beta. Gamma...

Slightly Out of Hand may be one of the few practical-joke stories that keep something approaching a point, that I've seen. It doesn't mess up the characterizations, either. It is still devoid of danger, thrills and hairsbreadth escapes, (joke stories are like that), but perhaps the surrealism (this is the only thing that redeems a practical joke from being simple cruelty or property damage in the first place) makes up lot it, here...

I'11 See You in my Dreams: Either this is the heaviest or the lightest story I've seen in a while. I'm still trying to decide which.

Turning Point Affair; One Illya down. (Uh-oh.) What-a-Way-to-Spend-a-Vacation Affair; Second Illya down. (Oow, ow.) Ounce of Prevention Affair; One Napoleon down. (Aargh.) Till See You in My Dreams; Third Illya, second Napoleon, down. (Ulp.)

O Solo Mio Afair; One Han Solo down. UNCLE springs eternal. (Whew!) But seriously..I admire Keeper's straightforward approach and the clear descriptions of convoluted action; Ashenfelder's intensity; Arellanes' raw emotion..these are, after all, what the "get" story is good for...

Fog Off the Coastline Affair is the best thing in the zine, (with the possible exception of the Popcorn Fairy), and, probably not coinciden- tally, the longest: a sustained, complex adventure with all the characters, including cross-universe, apocryphal, and a clef characters, in their proper places and relationships. The predominance of women in the back ground (and foreground) is refreshing; I am ashamed to cal it bold, but it is unusually well done. The story is densely plotted, makes good use of its SFX technological gadgets, and manages to be colorful, funny, long-lasting and appealing. What more can one ask? Social relevance, perhaps? Uh yeah, there's some of that, too. I have a tin eye, but if the illos here are by Kowalski, (a conclusion I base mostly on the fact that they're in the same format as those in Skywalker 3) she's still improving. (Don't knock people with tin eyes — there are a lot of us out here.

O Solo Mio Affair is also entertaining, another cross-universe story that worked fairly well (though the mob scene at the end was a trifle trite)... The point that an independent contractor can't always choose sides knowledgeably is worth mentioning, as it gives the story a hint of weight...

Wrap that up; it's a take....

...Congratulations on a unique and thoroughly enjoyable zine. It was very good from start to finish. I especially enjoyed the UNCLE Section. It a was a show that I grew up with, and some of my earliest memories center around playing "UNCLE and THRUSH" with my friends. It is also a show that I have missed and would like to see again. Thanks for the opportunity to meet my old friends again!...

Xenozine 1 made it down here in good shape; mail service here is generally pretty good (well, they apparently age all parcels on a Caribbean Island somewhere for a couple of weeks, or send them by slow boat around the Horn, I'm not sure which— but first class and things in envelopes rather than boxes do OK.) As you can tell from the letterhead, APO 34007 is the Republic of Panama. (My husband is the one who's military, he's Navy; I'm just a wayfaring scholar.) Why people pay money to visit the tropics I'll never know; they should only have to live there full-time... I liked the zine—could have used a couple of more stories on the SW side of the intermission, but one goes with what one's got. Mary Sue and the Bandit; I've been on some stretches of highway like that, where just about anything could happen. And The Alabama Papers is deeply weird., good, but weird. I think my favorite, though, was The Fog Off the Coast line Affair—we spent 6 months in Monterey while ray husband was learning Spanish at the Presidio, and I have fond memories of the Good (if Expensive) Life there. Had a grand time in that town, even if I was pregnant Out To Here for most of the 6 months.. .Didn't mind the "slash" stuff; it's not a genre that does much for me, either above the eyebrows or below the belt, but tastes differ..Speaking in general terms—why is so much of it so sentimental? I've run into "/" stories with more hearts and flowers than a Victorian valentine

I finally got the chance to finish reading Xenozine and I was very impressed! The cover art was excellent and the fiction was both well written and entertaining. The zine projected a professional look which added to its appeal. In my opinion, Xenozine is destined to become a huge success!!

I guess you could say I was tickled pink, and unless you want to see me blue, you'll get off your printer and send me number 2. Without regular doses of U.N.C.L.E. I'm just not the usual, sweet, adorable me.

I did want to congratulate you and your staff on putting together such a good-looking zine. I especially enjoyed the commercial break at the end of The Slightly Out of Hand Affair. Rest assured, it was put to good use. Well, must dash now. I look forward to seeing Xeno- zine #2 sometime in the near future....

I really enjoyed reading it. The zine looks really

good; very neat layout, striking cover..In fact, all of the artwork looked good. I liked the format - Director's notes, commercials, et al. (And especially the test of the Emergency Broadcast System!) I like a zine with a sense of humor...

Some comments on some of the stories that stuck out in my mind: Mary Sue and the Bandit; cute, fannish fun, nicely done. I very much liked the illo that went with it - nice striking imagery...

Assessment of Damages; one of my favorite stories in the zine. Characterization is top notch, and so is the dialogue. Can't wait to find out what happens next. (I'm afraid you may have to, Lisa! ED)

The Slash of the Empire; Hey, if you're gonna do a story like this, why not go to extremes? The punchline cracked me up...

The Recipes; Don't know how they taste, but they were fun to read. (Obi-Wan Cannoli - Bad puns, I love 'em.)...

The Slightly Out of Hand Affair; Loved it! I was on the floor reading this one. (You can probably tell I like humorous stories.) The characterization was good, too...

I'll See You in my Dreams; I'm not a big "/" fan, implied or otherwise, but I quite enjoyed this little story. Very pleasant. But Illya dying of a heart attack?!

The Sad Libs Affair; So Illya likes Harlan Ellison, eh? Hmmm. But why does he keep using so many "slangy phrases"?...

Really liked the illo of Illya on page 85. (I'm impressed; there were no page numbers in the zine, Lisa! ED.)...

The Triangular Shaped Badge Affair? Another nice implied "/" story. Very amusing, with a great punchline...

The Fog Off the Coastline Affair; I didn't like this story at all. I didn't understand half of it, and by the time I got to the end, I didn't care. The various story elements didn't seem to have any reason for being connected to one another. I don't know, maybe I missed something. I did, however, like the line about - "Do you believe that his photo copiers keep breaking down?". Very bizarre...

The O Solo Mio Affair; Very amusing cross-over story. And it was quite a good plotline even without the space hiccups. And what an intriguing idea: Illya Kuryakin as Jedi Knight. Sounds like a good basis for another story...

Overall, I was very impressed. Roll On Xenozine II...

Marysue; interesting and fast-paced, cute and

amusing. Let's see what happens when he returns a second time...

Assessment of Damages; Very interesting story with insight into the various characters. It could have stopped where conversation between Luke, Han, and Chewie ended and they started back toward the village. Further developments could be interesting. (If anyone ever writes,it! ED.)...

Slash of the Empire; Well written, but definitely not worth pursuing...

The Alabama Papers; Very different. A good story teller. It was very well researched, but is it a dream, alternate-reality, or has Han Solo and Company slipped back through time and space to the past on this planet?...

Cold Comfort; Funny and cute...

The Last Rebel of Zandru; Could be a very interesting series, you shouldn't have destroyed them! The connection with the Death Star need not have been made. Why start at the end? Let's have a beginning and hear more of Zamandra and Zandru! (HUH?! ED.)...

Decades; Profound...

The Slightly Out of Hand Affair; interesting, but it would have been funnier if there really had been 2 Thrush agents "on vacation", so to speak, and if our 2 Uncles had also been "on vacation". Sort of a "See-what-happens- when-you-let-the-children-out-of-school" Affair...

I'll See You in my Dreams; Very sentimental and well written (even if it was slash.)...

The Turning Point Affair; Very Good. The tension of the situation is shown well...

Triangular Shaped Badge Affair; Sick, sick, sick!...

The What-a-Way-to-Spend-a-Vacation Affair: Very good character development. Story was well written and well thought out. It proceeded logic ally and came to a logical conclusion...

Ounce of Prevention; Perfect...

Alpha. Beta, gamma: Short, thank goodness. Oh, Brother!...

Fog Off the Coastline Affair; I liked it. But it would have helped if I knew a little more about Harlock. Some of it was uneven...The O Solo Mio Affair; Very well written. I liked it, especially at the end when we find out just how alike our 2 "blonds in black" are..not to mention our 2 Solos.

The cover was nice artwork though not actually original in concept.

Also, since your zine turned out to be half SW and half UNCLE, it would have been more suitable to have a SW character (perhaps a Wookiee?) holding the zine. (How do you know that there isn't one doing just that? ED.) Also, in light of the half-and-half theme, perhaps the zine's title should have been more along the lines of "Solo to Solo" or Solo Affairs" or such, (Barfola! ED.) as the name Solo was the only item the two shows have in common. (Just so happens, this issue I should have called "Solo to Solo to Kuryakin to Who to Spock to Sapphire to Steel to Steele to Starbuck to Apollo....." Right? ED.) The layout of Xenozine was certainly unique! The concept was intriguing, to say the least. A zine done in the format of a TV show. Hmmmm. Cute. It would have been helpful to the uninitiated to have had the story names added to the "Starring" list at the beginning of the zine, though. After all, we mundanes must have something familiar with which to orient ourselves when entering a strange, new world, er, zine...Oh, page numbers would have been wonderfully helpful. I know, I know - TV shows don t have page numbers. However, scripts do. Maybe next time? ?he artwork overall in the zine wasn't bad. A greater quantity would ve helped, especially scene-specific stuff instead of just general art. However, I understand your situation, since you told me that you main artist suddenly up and left at the last minute. (Arghh! ED.)...I really cannot fairly comment on the SW half of the zine. I haven't read that part yet and may not bother. I'm not into SW, Trek yes, no. I Saw SW 3 times (then got bored), so I'm familiar with the characters and concept...AS for the UNCLE half of the zine, well, it seemed rather unevenly organized. It would have been nice to have had the proper time sequence - that is, with post "Fifteen Years Later Affair" stories following the ones that dealt with the characters before or during the series' timeline. Since I visualize stories as I read them, I find it disconcerting to have to imagine the characters as 1984 vintage then, with the next story, find them back in 1962 or thereabouts. However, I realize that, due to the format of your zine, you had to place The O Solo Mio Affair last, as it tied together both UNCLE and SW universes. Still, it would have been nice...

The Slightly Out of Hand Affair was cute. I always enjoy Charlie Kirby's handling of Solo and Kuryakin. She has a good feel for character interaction...

I'11 See You in My Dreams was, ah, one of the reasons for my complaint about out of sequence stories. It should have been nearer the end of the zine, especially being a death story of sorts. Oh, I see "___" used her Clotilda Willard alias for this. (The names have been changed to protect the innocent....ED.) By the way, since when is a story that states the two characters are lovers only "implied" slash? (They may be lying? ED.) I think that's understating the facts a bit. Please warn the readers a bit more strongly next time. Remember, UNCLE "/" fiction is relatively new, and I'll See You in my Dreams may have been the first such fiction some reader has encountered...

The Sad Libs Affair was a great idea. I'd thought of doing such with Trek myself. God, imagine what some PG+ writers could do with those 'sad-libs' of yours! I got hysterical just thinking about it. Of course, it would be fun the other way, too...

The Triangular Shaped Badge Affair was again not just "implied" slash. I really disliked this story. It was predictable (I guessed the ending half-way through and hoped I was wrong) and not believable and made fun of the whole slash concept. (EXACTLY! ED.) I'm not crusading for "/", mind you, but the story was just plain poorly done and in poor taste. Waverly had more dignity than that. (Of course he did! Sheesh..ED.)...

The What-a-Way-to-Spend-a-Vacation Affair was OK but way off on logic and inaccurate medical-wise. By any right, Illya should have been dead after a couple of hours (even he says so by the fourth page of the story). Either the poor guy is dying or he's not, Laurie; please make up your mind. Besides, there's no reason why Illya couldn't have been taken back to civilization for (obviously vitally needed) medical treatment instead of sleeping double all night with Solo in the middle of a snowstorm. Let's face it - Solo had a communicator, and, while a helicopter couldn't make it in, men on horseback could. (Don't tell me those two old nags were the only ones available for miles around.) Or a team of men could have hiked in and carried Illya out. Napoleon could, at the very least, have made a travois and carried him. The story did introduce an interesting variation on the "What kind of hell did poor Illya endure during World War II?" theme. This particular version might have been possible, I suppose. However, I somehow can't imagine UNCLE psychiatrists letting something like that get by them - all that guilt, repressed hatred, etc. would be a ticking time bomb waiting to be exploded by the stresses of field work for an UNCLE agent. The particular idea that Illya might be of gypsy stock was one I'd heard somewhere before. The problem of Solo initially thinking the whole situation was a result of a revenge scheme on Illya's part was good but should have been stronger, giving more tension to the interactions. Oh, and Illya would have known the extent of Solo's knowledge of German. Kuiyakin could have told Solo afterward that everything he said was a lie to keep the guy's attention focused on him and not on Solo, thus saving face and protecting his privacy and the truth. In fact, if Illya had said something like that but then followed it with the thought 'But the truth.. .Maybe someday I'll tell you. Napoleon. Someday when the scars are finally healed.' it would have been much more poignant and intriguing for the reader...

Ounce of Prevention was interesting...Illya seemed just too wrapped up in Napoleon's welfare (guilt trip or not) for it not to have been considered more than friend ship. 'Thou doth protest too much, Illya would have been Kowalski's thought in my opinion...

Alpha. Beta. Gamma takes first runner-up for dumbest story in the zine. Illya a Deltan? Sure, sure - the joke is the play on the names Ilia and Illya, but really!...

The Fog Off the Coastline Affair had some good points working for it. Finding the exact thread of the plot was the problem. I know it's in there somewhere. Somehow I got the feeling that Susan was wallowing too much in the "Let's see how uncomfortable and confused we can get Illya" trap and not concentrating on informing the reader as to just what the heck was going on. All in all, the story could have been tighter and more suspenseful by cutting the extraneous scenes and chit-chat...

Now for The O Solo Mio Affair. I liked this story up until the point where it suddenly sidetracked into the SW universe. That left me going "Huh?". A real cop-out ending in my opinion. Here we had the makings of an interesting little normal plot and then we chuck it all to play Jedi. The story's initial premise wasn't bad; an amnesiac THRUSH and whether he can be trusted. The idea of Illya feeling hurt by Solo's taking the THRUSH under his wing, so to speak, (Heh, Heh.) (Ouch! ED.) was interesting and would have worked better if Illya had reflected back on how Solo had done the same thing with him, sort of, early in their partnership. He could have wondered if it was a trait of Napoleon's to be protective of the vulnerably innocent and inexperienced. Possibly he would have wanted to reevaluate the extent of their partnership in this new light. He would then have dismissed all this, relying on his basic trust of Solo. So, this uneasy feeling he had was, logically, not jealousy but some sixth-sense warning. (How did all these Vulcans get in here?! ED.) Thus, the story could have proceeded to the point of the car chase, but with an alternate ending of them being driven by the THRUSH to a satrap and captured. It was then all an elaborate plot to capture the pair and remove them from action once and for all. (After all, THRUSH is serious about dominating the world and wouldn't allow its two top thorns in its side to walk about unterminated forever, now would it?) The THRUSH'S mugging was thus the initial set-up to play on Illya's known weakness for helping the unfortunate. The guy's amnesia was genuine but produced by hypnosis and was broken by UNCLE's allowing him access to the computers at HQ. Well, anyway, you get the idea of how the story could have gone without the SW slant. The original story, though, was a good attempt. (At what, Joy? You obviously don't like SW, Robin and I do. I published Robin's version of the story and, as it was her first attempt at UNCLE, I thought she did a damn good job. We thought the story a harmless 'hiccup'. If you'd like, please send me your version of the story and I'll probably print it. Or haven't I just done so? ED.)...

One last section of Xenozine that I'd like to comment on is the trio of poems called Decades. Most interesting. I liked the concept and the execution in general (though it did start to get a bit cutesy). The theme made me think back over the years for a few minutes...

Considering the length of this, you must be saying "Why did I want her to LOC me?" I do tend to get carried away, I'm afraid. I also tend toward the critical side - the perfectionist in me,

I guess. (Really? ED.) I hope my comments haven't totally put you off. (Outer Mongolia? Nah, just kidding! ED.) Let me say that, despite my criticisms, I did enjoy Xenozine. It was a good effort. Good luck with Xenozine II.

Issue 2

cover of issue #2, Steven A. Gallacci (misspelled as "Gallachi" in the credits

Xenozine 2 was published in 1985 and contains 250 pages (140 pages are Man from Uncle stories, the rest are Star Wars, Battlestar Galactica and Remington Steele).

It is subtitled: "Episode Two: The Wrath of Cannes."

The pages aren't visibly numbered, therefore the pagination below is a a guesstimate.

The art is by Maggie Nowakowska, Robin White, Else Josund, Charlene Kirby, Laurie Keeper, Gina Martin, Susan Matthews, D.J. Driscoll, Denetia Arellanes, Signe Landon, Diana Baumgart, Kathy Hickenbothan, Barbara Walker, Steven A. Gallacci, and Linda "Caitlin" Rutenberg.

• Trouble Season by Debra Doyle (Star Wars) (4)
• No Blaze of Glory by Terri Black (a death story (Star Wars) (24)
• Reflections of a Jedi as He Leads a Boy to War, poem by Maggie Nowakowska (Star Wars) (28)
• Dangerous Debts, filk "to the tunes of Meadowlands, and The Bridge from The Volga Boatmen," by Maggie Kowalski (30)
• Dagobah Diary by Robin White (Star Wars) (32)
• How Time Flies by Shadowhawk (Lando-centric) (Star Wars) (38)
• Finish This Story Contest #2 ("Since nobody cared to rescue Lando in ASSESSMENT OF DAMAGES, we'll try again with Han Solo....") (40)
• Star War Word Search Solution (from the previous issue) (41)
• Soda Wars Episode IV: A New Coke, one-page blurb (Star Wars) (42)
• Soda Wars Episode V: The Pepsi Strikes Back, one-page blurb (Star Wars) (43)
• Soda Wars Episode VI: Return of the Classic, one-page blurb (Star Wars) (45)
• The Bump and Grind Affair by Charlene Kirby (Man from U.N.C.L.E.) (48)
• Join UNCLE and See by Barbara Tennison ("Never accept rides from "strangers."") (Man from U.N.C.L.E.) (69)
• The T.L.C. Affair by Pamela Williams (Due to extensive trauma, Illya reverts to being a three-year old child. After he's rescued, Napoleon takes him home. Slowly, Illya gets "older," but also bounces back and forth between being a child and a man.) (Man from U.N.C.L.E.) (73)
• Independent Contractor by Barbara T (Man from U.N.C.L.E.) (93)
• The What the Hell? Affair, vignette by Isaac Person (Man from U.N.C.L.E.) (97)
• A Public Service Announcement by Susan R. Matthews (a two-page explanation of the story by Matthews in the previous issue) (Man from U.N.C.L.E.) (98)
• We Now Return You To Our Regularly Scheduled Programing Already in Process (Man from U.N.C.L.E.) (100)
• It’s Tough being an UNCLE Agent by Denetia Arellanes (Man from U.N.C.L.E.) (101)
• I‘m Forever Blowing Bubbles by D. J. Driscoll (Man from U.N.C.L.E.) (104)
• The Good Friday Affair by Laurie Keeper (Man from U.N.C.L.E.) (107)
• The Letter by Joy Ashenfelder (Man from U.N.C.L.E.) (145)
• The Interlude Affair by C. C. Smith (Man from U.N.C.L.E.) (a "missing scene" from a generic episode in which Napoleon and Solo have an intimate embrace: "Illya sighed contentedly and relaxed against Solo's strong chest. "'I thought the commercial break would never come,' he murmured softly. 'Yeah,' Napoleon agreed, gently stroking his partner's damp neck. 'What the viewers don't know won't hurt us.'") (implied slash) (105)
• The Magic Kingdom Affair by Gina Martin (Man from U.N.C.L.E.) (152)
• LoCs (188)
• Restaurant Review (202)
• Stop Draggin’ My Tardis Around, filk to the tune of "Stop Dragging My Heart Around," by Terri Black (Doctor Who) (203)
• Memories, poem by Jatona Walker (Star Trek: TOS) (205)
• First Heat, poem by Ciane McAuliffe (Star Trek: TOS) (207)
• Palengenesis, poem by Ciane McAuliffe (science fiction) (208)
• Her Youth an Arcadia, poem by Susan R. Matthews (Captain Harlock) (210)
• Stay Steele by Bev Clark Remington Steele (218)
• Epilogue by Charlene Kirby Sapphire and Steel (222)
• Apollo’s Not Himself Today by D. J. Driscoll Battlestar Galactica (227)

• 

  from issue #2, Signe Landon

• 

  from issue #2, Signe Landon

• 

  from issue #2 "How Time Flies"

• 

  from issue #2, "How Time Flies," altered photo?

• 

  from issue #2, Charlene Kirby

• 

  from issue #2, Denetia Arellanes

• 

  from issue #2, Diana Baumgart

• 

  from issue #2, the beginning of Matthews' explanation

• 

  from issue #2, Kathy Hickenbothan

• 

  from issue #2, Denetia Arellanes

• 

  from issue #2, Signe Landon

• 

  from issue #2, Signe Landon

• 

  from issue #2 Kathy Hickenbothan

• 

  from issue #2, first page of "Her Youth in Arcadia"

• 

  from issue #2, Kathy Hickenbothan

• 

  from issue #2, Barbara Walker

• 

  from issue #2, Barbara Walker

• 

  from issue #2, Barbara Walker

• 

  from issue #2, L.R. -- "by kind permission of i. joan Kokolus and her "Fairiesphere" stories. (SONG OF CAPRICA)"

Reactions and Reviews: Issue 2

Well, D.J. still doesn't have the pages numbered, but she assures me it's on purpose. However XENOZINE 2 has evolved considerably more since the first issue. It has maintained its part Star Wars, part Man from UNCLE format, but the former is pretty standard, partially due to the limit of its 'mother' media.

XENOZINE 2 offers a teary ; "No Blaze of Glory."

We are introduced to Master Obi, a struggling Jedi-in-training and Leia and Han's son, in "Trouble Season" by Debra Doyle. I have to admit to having trouble with this story until I realized that Obi was NOT Obi-Wan. It flowed more smoothly after that.

"Dagobah Diary" (not too much mystery concerning what that's about), by Robin White, a letter from Lando, as seen through the pen of Shadowhawk, and two filks by Maggie Nowakowska. This is in addition to the "finish-the-story" contest, and "A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away... Soda Wars". Yes, not even zines are sacred anymore.

Next, we come to the hefty ACT II - the Man from UNCLE section. Barbara T offers two short shorts — both cross-universe and both tongue-in-cheek.

Laurie Keeper offers one of her hurt/comforts as "The Good Friday Affair" — a little too h/c for my tastes.

Joy Ashenfelder does what she does best in The Letter," and tugs at our heartstrings.

Gina Martin does a pretty amusing Disneyland tale with "The Magic Kingdom Affair," although some of the scenes are a bit laborious and could have been whittled down without hurting the story at all.

There is "The Bump and Grind Affair," by C. Kirby, and, yes, there is a relationship.

D.J. Driscoll gives Illya bubblegum lessons in 'Tm Forever Blowing Bubbles"; Denetia Arellanes explains why "It's Tough To Be an Uncle Agent"; and the "What the Hell? Affair," by Issac Person, is interrupted by a special bulletin by Susan Matthews.

And there is a definite "slash" bent in C.C. Smith's "The Interlude Affair."

However, the high point of the entire UNCLE section is "The TCL Affair," by Pam Williams, a woman who has, unfortunately, left UNCLE for other fandoms unknown. Napoleon gets to mother Illya, literally, and it offers both insight and affection into their relationship.

Act III was reserved for LoCs, and Act IV handled everything else, including a BG story by D.J. Driscoll; a Sapphire & Steel piece by C. Kirby; "Stay Steele" (RS), by Bev Clark; and a hodge-podge of other material (DW, ST, Hitchhiker's Guide, Captain Harlock), also worthy of attention, but space limits discussing them all.

The art in XENOZINE 2 is also a far cry from the offerings of the first issue. There is more of it, and it's better rendered, with some superior pieces from Sue [sic] Landon and Denetia Arellanes. Plus there's all the usual insanity, offered as only D.J. Driscoll can do.

XENOZINE 2 may not be the best SW or UNCLE zine ever assembled, but it's definitely the best SW/UNCLE zine I've come across. And it's absolutely worth your attention.

Issue 3

Xenozine 3 was published in 1986 and contains 218 pages. Its subtitle is "Episode Three: Return of the Man from Blue Harvest."

It has table of contents with pages numbered in Roman Numerals. ACT I contains 109 pages of Man from U.N.C.L.E., ACT II contains 43 pages of Miami Vice, ACT III contains varied works, including Star Wars, MacGyver, Professionals and Robin of Sherwood.

Artists include Hindman, Paulie Gilmore, Bonnie Roberts, Jane Largent, Pam Kowalski, Anne Davenport, Dani Lane, Mary Platt, David Heath, Jr.

• The Chain of Events Affair by Driscoll & Hindman (Man from U.N.C.L.E.)
• The Catch of the Day Affair by Hindman (Man from U.N.C.L.E.)
• The Survival o f the Fittest Affair by Gina Martin (Man from U.N.C.L.E.)
• The God is Really Murphy Affair by Hindman (Man from U.N.C.L.E.)
• The Sort Of Do It Yourself Dreadful Finish the Affair by Isaac Person (Man from U.N.C.L.E.)
• The Rarest Emerald Affair by Hindman (Man from U.N.C.L.E.)
• The Curtains Affair by T.W.E.P. (Man from U.N.C.L.E.)
• The Halloween Affair by Anonymice (Man from U.N.C.L.E.)
• The Everything Under the Sun Affair by Joy Ashenfelder (Man from U.N.C.L.E.)
• The Family Jewels Affair by Barbara T (Man from U.N.C.L.E.)
• The Against All Odds Affair by Robin White (Man from U.N.C.L.E.)
• End of the Ride by Susanne McGhin (Miami Vice)
• No Cause for Alarm by Susan R. Matthews (Miami Vice)
• Heated Concrete by D.J. Driscoll (Miami Vice)
• Vacationer's Paradise by Susan Sizemore (Miami Vice)
• Burning Bright In The Darkness of the Night by Sarah Macht-DeWitt (Miami Vice)
• Tale of the Goat: Appendix by Susan R. Matthews (Miami Vice)
• Demon's Gambit by Anne Davenport MacGyver
• Covenant and Bequest by Robin White Star Wars
• Paths of Glory by Linda Deneroff Star Wars
• Mary Sue and the Bandit: Part Two by Robin White (reprinted in I Don't Care What You Smell #2)
• Semper Fidelis (Achoo!) by Eileen Roy Professionals
• The Great Goddess Addresses the Subject of Hurt/Comfort by Alicia Maria Susanna Fox (aka Susan Matthews) (mulitfandom) (the text is reprinted in The Rest of the Garbage)
• The Book of Prose: 1 Cowley 27: 14 by Susan R. Matthews Professionals
• The Haunting of Raymond Doyle by Susan R. Matthews Professionals
• With Robin, In the Green Wood by Susan R. Matthews Robin of Sherwood
• Promotion, poem by Hindman
• The Ballad of Rat Masterson, poem by Michelle Roberts
• Twentieth Century Box, poem by Ciane McAuliffe
• One Woman’s Slash is Another Woman’s Boredom, poem by Susan Scribens