The Very Secret Diaries

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Title: The Very Secret Diary (VSD) series
Author(s): Cassandra Claire
Date(s): 2001-2002
Genre: Crack!fic
Fandom: The Lord of the Rings movieverse
External Links: cassieclaire on LiveJournal, also authorized archive

Click here for related articles on Fanlore.


A set of funny first-person diary entries by characters in The Fellowship of the Ring and the Two Towers movies, as written by the fan Cassandra Claire. It contains jokes about both slash and het.

The style is very similar to Bridget Jones's Diary and The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole. There also seems to have been a Saruman's Diary circulating in Tolkien fandom around 1995.[1] The Diaries received significant media coverage outside fandom, unusual at this date, and even had a Wikipedia article from 2005 to 2011.

Famous Catch Phrases from VSD

  • still the prettiest
  • Sam will kill him if he tries anything
  • Cannot cope. Off to Mordor
  • strawberry bath bubbles (or strawberry elf soap)
  • blow the horn of Gondor
  • go me!
  • still not king
  • pervy Hobbit-fanciers
  • Indistinguishable Backup Hobbit
  • Gandalf's pointy hat trick
  • Elf women just the right height to keep my ears warm

The Diaries

Fellowship of the Ring

The Two Towers

Coverage Outside Fandom

The Wikipedia article on the Diaries was deleted in 2011.[2] It stated:

The Very Secret Diaries are a series of satirical slash fiction stories written by Cassandra Claire in the form of diary entries by various characters in New Line Cinema's The Lord of the Rings film trilogy following the release of The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring. Claire wrote a handful more stories with the release of The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, but then abandoned the series.

The Very Secret Diaries were widely read both within and outside of the fan fiction community. They were considered to be "phenomenally successful" and a "cult classic",[3] as well as something "which no Tolkien fan should miss".[4] Her portrayal of Aragorn was described as "half-Hamlet, half-Adrian Mole".[3] It was also noted that "Cassie now has groupies"[4] and that the stories had a fandom of their own.[3] A dramatization of the diaries was featured in the documentary Ringers: Lord of the Fans.[5]

Following Claire's lead, several other Secret Diaries websites sprung up, either re-posting Cassandra Claire's original diaries[6] or writing entirely new diaries for Tolkien's characters.

Previous to Claire's efforts, in 1995, a similarly themed humorous character insight called "Saruman's Diary" appeared in the Usenet news group rec.arts.books.tolkien.


  1. 1995 Saruman's Diary mentioned on the Wikipedia VSD page
  2. A list of the arguments for and against deletion are archived here. Among the arguments was that slashfic is inherently not notable or worth documenting, a too often fate of fanworks and fandom history on Wikipedia.
  3. 3.0 3.1 3.2 "Into the lists". The Telegraph. 2006-04-02. Retrieved 2008-01-10.[dead link]
  4. 4.0 4.1 "Fallin' off a blog". The Age. 2002-06-06. Retrieved 2008-01-10.
  5. "A review of Ringers". 2005-01-21. Retrieved 2008-05-20.
  6. Bella Online: Lord of the Rings: Secret Diaries
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