Dancing Penises

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screencap of the Dancing Penises skit as recorded by Kandy Fong
photo from a fan calendar, creator and photographer unknown
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Contents

Dancing Penises was a convention skit celebrating/satirizing K/S slash fan fiction. It was performed originally at one of the IDICons by Kandy Fong and her friends: PJ, Carol D., and Donna. It was repeated at the last IDICon in 1986 and then recreated/remixed at The K/S Press room party at Shore Leave 1997. There were photos of this event in The K/S Press #13 and a video of the skit was shown at one of the Revelcons.[1]

A video of this skit was available on the first tape in The K/S Press Songtapes.

In Their Own Words

See IDICon and 4-Play Con: An Interview with Kandy F. and Marnie S.

In Legacy, Kandy Fong details the history of the skit. It is reposted here with additional edits by Kandy Fong:

"None of us were very good singers, and heaven forbid, we couldn’t dance, so we sat around drinking this bottle of really bad wine, and I said, why don’t we reduce it to the basic elements, just two penises, right? So I sat down and edited some songs together on my little tape recorder and I went to a sofa factory place and told them I wanted to make mushroom costumes, so I needed big pieces of foam. Carol D. was a genius with a sewing machine. So we did various things. For Kirk, of course, he was pink, and we had these fuzzy yellow pipe cleaners. Spock, of course, was mint green, and he had fuzzy black pipe cleaners. This was big enough for a woman to wear. The cone part fits on her head. I hollowed out a little hole, and she has to hang onto it under the costume. They couldn’t see out. They could see down to the ground, they could see to walk off the stage, but they couldn’t see what was there. The Spock costume had double ridges (inspired by Gayle's art) The heads were carved foam, the shaft fabric. Both costumes had inflatable beach balls covered with the fabric as the balls. Spock's were 'internal" until he saw Kirk coming towards him.
So we fly in to Houston and it’s very late at night and there were no taxis except for one guy who looked really scuzzy. And we had shipped these things inside a big refrigerator box on the plane to get them there. The shaft was fabric & the balls could deflate, but the heads were solid foam covered in fabric & they were huge. And he said, I can’t get that in my cab, lady. And I said, okay, fine, so we’re taking these out and putting them into the trunk of the car. So we get to the hotel and it’s late nigh...okay, fine, I sling them over my shoulder and I march up to the front desk and I get my room, with this big penis costume hanging over my shoulder.
So we go onstage and thank goodness Dixie had a camera, and she actually taped it. It starts off with Spock just lying crumpled in the center of the stage and the music is, “I am a rock, I am an island.” And he’s crumpled in on himself. And all of a sudden you hear “Macho Man.” And out comes Kirk, bouncing out onto the stage, and Spock does this “huuuuhhh?” and “looks” over at Kirk, and there’s the “I want to want you, I want you to want me” kind of thing, and they’re kind of rubbing up against each other. And then they get fully erect, both of them and we started doing the “1812 Overture,” and they’re banging against each other and at the end they do the big cannon thing and I grab a double handful of clear candy which I throw up in the air, and then they collapse upon each other.

How Fans Remember It

From The K/S Press #4 (1996):
"At the last Shore Leave con several of us sat at the feet of a long-time Trekker who told us how things were at the old K/S cons 'back at the time of the beginning.' One of the acts performed involved lovingly colored penis suits (one in daring dusky rose, one in ever popular, enticing olive) interacting in a lively dance set to music no less, until both the dance and the penises came to a logical climax."
A year later, fans decided to create their own Dancing Penis skit. From The K/S Press #12 (1997):
"...the highlight of the evening had to be the famous "Dancing Penises"! This was an idea from what had been performed at a K/S con many years ago. Actually, this time, the idea came from CD (she's extremely modest) and she put in so much work, it was amazing. This woman designed and sewed these enormous costumes all herself, fitted them to the players, made the accompanying music tape, rehearsed and choreographed. She is simply an amazing woman. The show was hilarious. [name redacted] played Kirk's penis and her entrance was funny and scary as she knocked over a large screen on her way to Spock's penis, played by [name redacted]. Just the sight of this giant pink penis bouncing in to strains of "Macho Man" brought the house down. And the giant double-ridged penis, sitting sadly by itself to the music of "I Am A Rock" was so funny. But the best part was their excited erections and climaxes to the tune of "The 1812 Overture"! Mere words cannot describe how funny this all was. These two huge writhing, erect and rampant penises dancing around was a sight to behold. Brava to CD! I wish I could tell you her name because she deserves to be honored for all that hard work. But most of you know of whom we speak. But two more Brava's go to [two names redacted] — who bemoaned their fate at having been volunteered to do this and who sweated inside the hot costumes and got a case of stage-nerves before showtime and who performed (so-to-speak) beautifully!"
In The K/S Press #13, another fan remembers:
"Nobody so far has mentioned the technical glitch that marked the opening of the DP skit. We had to ask everybody to close their eyes while the organs in question got into position, then we were going to start the tape with the music. But the music wasn’t cued properly, and everybody was really understanding, and in the dark, while we fixed the problem... The skit opened to I Am a Rock by Simon and Garfunkel, while Spock drooped with disinterested unhappiness. Then Kirk entered, all jauntiness, to The Village People’s Macho Man. Nobody struts and turns those jaunty shoulders like [name redacted] does! And hey, guess what, Spock perked up a little! Then the guys swayed next to one another during Bread’s Baby I’ma Want You, occasionally rubbing, ah, heads and otherwise expressing the highest of emotions. This produced considerable interest and an expansion in length and energized movement during Let’s Get Physical. Finally, the event reached the heights, and its most logical conclusion, during The War of 1812 Overture."
In 1996, Sandy Herrold posted the following to the Virgule-L mailing list:
"Morgan Dawn is visiting, and we're having a lovely time with her. What does that have to do with the subject line, I hear you ask? Well, we got out some old songvid tapes last night, and watched, for the first time in ages, the Dancing Cocks of Revelcon.
Two fans in body-sized cock costumes, one flesh colored, one green (of course), to appropriate music (like "Physical") ending in some classical piece with a wonderful, shall I say, climax, ending with them crumpling around each other sated (and doubtless exhausted in the heavy costumes). It is absolutely hilarious, and other good example of how as fans we are so good at entertaining each other when we try."

Dancing penises -- probably not fandom-related -- made national news headlines in the spring of 2012.[2]

20+ Years Later

After the creation of this Fanlore page, the image of the Dancing Penises continued to circulate to a new generation of fans.

In 2012, a French Kirk/Spock website translated this Fanlore page into French.[3] The skit was recreated at the K/S Press Party at Shore Leave in August 2012.[4] The skit was repeated at Kiscon 2013.

In 2013, a tumblr user zombiewretch reblogged the above screencap adding:
"SOMEONE WENT TO A STAR TREK CONVENTION IN THE 1980’S AS SPOCK AND KIRK’S PENISES I AM NOT MAKING THIS SHIT UP. THEY PERFORMED SPIRK THROUGH INTERPRETIVE DANCE."[5]
teddybearsandspaceships' response:
"Fyi, Fanlore has several detailed descriptions of the Dancing Penises. Reason #2435 why Fanlore is awesome."[6]
In 2014, twitter user Melissa tweeted:
"Scrap all other Cosplay ideas we had. We're doing thissssss..."[7]

References

  1. Kandy Fong's notes dated April 14, 2011: "I edited together Dixie's tapes of the two presentations that were done at the two IDICons (repeated by popular demand). That was the tape shown at Revelcon. The skit at the K/S con was done with the original costumes and music, but different actors.
  2. On April 16-20, 2012, the U.S. Government's House of Representatives held hearings about wasteful spending by the General Services Administration. These had to do with a 2010 GSA gathering outside Las Vegas that was the subject of a recent inspector general report on excessive spending. (Joe Davidson, GSA scandal hearings scheduled for this week. Washington Post, 2012-04-16, page found 2012-05-06.) During the hearings, a woman from the ultra-conservative Traditional Values Coalition claimed she had news releases with even more scandalous government expenditures. She said "the $800,000 of waste found on a Las Vegas conference pales in comparison to the funding of government porn, dancing penises, gay circuit parties, the study of 14-year-old prostitutes in China, collecting and reading the sex diaries of teenage boys. … What National Institutes of Health is spending money on would make a Vegas showgirl blush." When called for a followup, the TVC said they would be releasing more information along with pictures. The NIH said they had no idea what the TVC were talking about. (Dana Milbank, It's not so secret what kind of service this federal agency seeks. Sacramento Bee, April 19, 2012, page found 2012-05-06.)
  3. Les pénis dansants (accessed Jan 11, 2013); reference link.
  4. Public Facebook post at Kirk/Spock- Poetic/Slash/Art dated Oct 12, 2012.
  5. Someone Went To A Star Trek Convention post dated June 20, 2013; reference link. By Jan 2014, the post had been liked or reblogged on tumblr almost 10,000 times.
  6. Tumblr response dated Oct 2013. Link goes to a longer tumblr thread including teddybearsandspaceships' response; reference link.
  7. Scrap All Other tweet by melooza1 dated Jan 11, 2014; reference link.
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