|Scope/Focus:||Cobra Starship band members|
|Date(s):||2005 - present|
|See also:||Decaydance, Fueled By Ramen, Bandom|
|Click here for related articles on Fanlore.|
Cobra Starship is an American band fronted by Jewish/Uruguayan-American Gabe Saporta.
Gabe headed for the arid wastelands of the Arizona desert to contemplate his existence.
In the desert, Gabe spends his days and nights pondering the nature of being, the collective unconscious, the irreducible complexity of bacteria flagellum, and perfecting blue steel--it's more of a softer look; he uses it for footwear.
However, every evening his meditations are interrupted by mysterious lights plaguing the night sky. On one particular such night, the lights are so mesmerizing that Gabe enters into a trance-like state. He becomes catatonic and weightless, so weightless in fact that he begins to levitate. But just as Gabe is beginning to lift off the ground, a cobra lunges from the depths of the darkness and bites him! Bites him right in the ******* neck!
After a week on the brink of death, hallucinating from the venomous bite, he awakes to find the snake with a wet towel in its fangs, patting down Gabe's sweltering forehead.
"Holy ****," Gabe exclaims, "this snake that almost killed me is patting down my forehead with a moist towelette!"
"Good morning to you too," says the reptile.
"Holy ****! A talking snake!"
"I am a cobra," corrects the snake, "and the lights that have hounded you night after night are from the starship that brought me here. You see, I have been sent from the future to find you."
"Me?" Gabe asks, flattered and excited at the possibility of validating his existence. "Am I supposed to save the world!?"
"Uh, no," replies the cobra. "Not exactly. You see kid, there is no salvation." The cobra goes on to tell Gabe about the world's final days. Cobras were the only ones who survived.
Shocked by this tale of Armageddon, Gabe finally asks in bewilderment, "then what do you need me from me? What is my destiny?"
"The purpose of your life is to make sure mankind goes out in style."
"How do I do that?""By teaching hipsters to not take themselves so seriously and by telling emo kids to stop being pussies. How's that for a start?"
Gabe Saporta/everyone ever.
- Gabe Saporta/Cobra Starship primer by dreamofthem (April 2007)
- Cobra Starship Picspam of Fucking Doom by ladysorka (October 2007)
- Cobra Starship Primer by mercurybard (March 2008) (broken images)
- G-A-B-E gonna get you high! by lessthangreat (January 2008) (archived; broken images)