Christmas Wish List For The Mailing List

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Title: Christmas Wish List For The Mailing List
Creator: Morgan Dawn
Date(s): December 23, 1994
Medium: online meta
Fandom: mailing list
Topic: mailing list culture
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Mailing list culture was influenced by both the personalties of the list members and technological limitations, and after a while most list members began taking notice of the sometime cyclical and repetitive nature of discussions. In December 1994, Morgan Dawn posted the following Christmas Wish List For The Mailing List as a meta commentary on the sometimes amusing - and sometimes annoying - on-list interactions. It is reposted here with permission:

"Dear List Santa:

Since I can't have what I really want (Bodie and Doyle, one on each knee) I thought I'd sublimate my desires into the slash-list (which is what so many others seem to be doing) and prepare my "ideal" slash wish list:

1. Those who keep complaining about how boring the list is will wake up one morning chained to their keyboards and deprived of all sustenance until they write the Great American Slash Novel-- with illustrations.

2. Those who keep threatening to take their ball(s) and go off somewhere else and play, will discover that they really didn't need a ball to enjoy their newest obsession -- Bottom of the Sea/Wild Wild West crossovers. (A corollary of this is that those who wished certain people would take their balls and go home, turn out to have been the only other list member who liked talking about Bottom of the Sea/Wild West West crossovers).

3. Those who lurk will discover brilliant, incisive, and witty essays have been posted under their names.

4. Those who start lengthy and complex surveys will be forced to take the 50,000 Question Purity test in public - with illustrations.

5. Those who post cryptic or obscure commentary will be forced to translate all of Meg Lewtan's and Jane's (Australia of course) works into Russian for our deprived sisters behind the (former) Iron Curtain.

6. Someone will find a system to keep this list running so we can keep on nagging each other and trying to pretend that we don't really care what others think.

7. To those who plead for everyone to be nice and post fair -- they will wake up and discover that the entire world is both nice and fair. Oh God!"
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