Blake's Barf Bag
|Title:||Blake's Barf Bag|
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Blake's Barf Bag is a gen humor Blake's 7 anthology. It is letter size, ii + 80 pp. (incl. inside covers), yellow card covers, black comb binding, and originally came with a small paper bag labelled "Blake's Barf Bag."
From Zine Scene: "Chock full of Vogon poetry, filks, ultra shorts, cartoons, and other forms of fan madness. We poke fun at everything from Star Trek & the Pepsi Generation to DW & B&TB, but it's mostly B7 and ALL enjoyable."
From the Flyer
Contributors include your favorite Vogon poets (?) and filkers, Gil Bert & Sully Van, Veggie Table, Soolin Stravinsky, Map & others too nauseous to mention.
We've found that Vogon literature is like junk food, addictive, but too much of it will make you sick so we'll stop here so you can order a 70 page, unreduced [sic] bookful [sic] of this stuff. If you have a taste for the terrible, or just terrible taste, not to mention masochistic tendencies and other, less savory personality warps, go ahead and indulge yourself with BLAKE'S BARF BAG!
MAP PRESS firmly declares itself not responsible for any damage --- body, mind, or psychic --- which may occur to readers of this stuff. For those of you with weak digestive systems, we provide a barf bag for your convenience. Please dispose of resulting contents in the nearest trash container -- DO NOT mail back to the publishers as it will be refused. The Post Office has very strict regulations concerning the mailing of toxic substances.) They have kindly chosen to overlook the rules in the case of this zine as it is only a danger to that shrinking section of society that still reads.)Don't forget, BLAKE'S BARF BAG makes a great gift for someone you can't stand, but have to buy a present for anyway. Don't miss it -- if you can!
- Saith O'r Gloch, "Elvis Spotted on Gauda Prime"
- Map, "The Vogon Sequel to 'Blake'" ("Kerr Avon was not a man to smile easily, but now an ear to ear grin sprawled over his incredibly handsome kisser like a cheap hooker...")
- Corpusal Melanoma, "What If... I Were a Rich Man (Woman) Man (Woman), or, Who Is This Blake Person, Anyway?" ("Kerr Avon (incredibly handsome, if somewhat ill-tempered computer
hackerexpert and failed, through to no fault of his own, embezzler) and Jenna Stannis, (lovely lady smuggler and primo pilot) waited one hour (to the microsecond) in orbit around Cygnus Alpha, Federation prison panet, land fill and home for refugee religious fanatics and messianic complexes, before hightailing it out of there, leaving Roj Blake, idealistic idiot, earstwhile [sic] rebel and general basket case (due to the evil Federation's making scrambled eggs out of whatever brains he'd ever had) on the planet and set off to make their fortunes.")
- Renae' Ransdorf, "Mike's 5" (graphic story; B7 enacted by The Monkees; reprinted from Standard by Seven #1)
- Map, "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Gauda Prime" (script with filks, "A one-act musical satire suitable for [[con skit|performance at any con, just make sure your audience is unarmed.")
- "Dowit's Profile: Kerr Avon"
- "Dowit's Profile: Vila Restal"
- "Green Sectors" ("The series program guide on the hilarious mis-adventures of a single-minded political terrorist and a former Federation President who settle down on the frontier planet Gauda Prime to raise conifers with a few of their zany friends: Episode Three, Party Squad: Vila's tinkering with the agro-computer results in the complete deforestation of the plantation. The others do their best to keep Avon from noticing while trying to prepare things for his surprise birthday party. (From the people who brought you "The Beverly Space Rats & Radiation Suit Junction."!)"
- "Dowit's Profile: Roj Blake"
- "Blake's Bear the Bundt of Command Cake," "Avon's Terrible Aspic," "Jenna's JellO," "Servalan's Sultry Eggs," "Krantor's Kinky Potatke Cakes," "Vila's Locks and Bagels, " "Cally's Contemplative Tea," "Gan's Giant Cookie," "A Recipe, Source Unknown (Found in the Remains of Control on Earth)"
- "Blake's Ballad" (f, The Lumberjack Song)
- Webee Toize, "Rhymes," "Blake's Bitch," "Mutoid's Lament"
- Soolin Stravinsky, "The Blake's 7 Suite: A Musical Tribute to the Series"
- "Vila's Drinking Song"
- "Soolin's Soliloguy" (Can't Help Lovin' That Man 'o Mine)
- "Blake Substitute" (My Name Is Yohn Yohnson)
- "Dangerous Dayna" (a rap song)
- "Somebody's Tapping Me" (Somebody's Watching Me)
- "Interference on All Channels" (My Favorite Things)
- "Jenna, Jenna (Zen Can Run the Ship)" (Jenny, Jenny)
- "Let's Hear It for My Gan" (Let's Hear It for the Boy)
- "How Do You Solve a Riddle Like Servalan?" (How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?)
- "It's Not Easy Being Blake" (It's Not Easy Being Green)
- "Blake's 7 Finale" (Try to Remember)
- Map, "A-Va-Va-Voom"
- Webee Toize, "With Grovelling Apologies to Mom Goose"
"Some of our Vogon short stories" -- from the flyer:
- A Mucked-Up Time" -- "Though Kirk argued with President Lulahotbabe (all night as it happened) that Nurse Chapel did not subscribe to their particular (and peculiar ) beliefs, it was to no avail, 'either Nurse Chapel takes a dive into the deadly arm-pit or the Volcano God blows his top and the Federation gets no Dilithum!"
- "Tunnel World Babylon -- "Fed up with being cast off so casually, Catherine snuck into Vincent's room one night and poured ten gallons of Nair over her former lover and then booked the next flight to Tahiti..."
- A Day in the Life -- "Crusher had mysteriously transferred out, which had been a bit of a personal blow to Picard, who had begun to suspect the transfer had been motivated by something other than a career opportunity, so much that he changed his mouth gargle twice in the last week."
Reactions and Reviews
These I'm not so fond of. I love P.N. Elrod's serious fiction, both fannish (her Avon On-Line zines are excellent) and pro (her assorted vampire novels), but her Vogon humor doesn't do a lot for me. IMO the best thing is Renae Ransdorf's wacky Monkees-style AU, reprinted from Standard by Several.